1. Don’t drink the water, or anything really, unless it’s from a can or a sealed bottle
  2. The footpaths are designed for scooters, not feet. They should rename them to scooterpaths.
  3. Hecklers are best ignored, unless they make outrageous claims like “everything $1” or “hey I know you” then you are within your right to follow suit with a line of questioning that will daze and confuse the heckler, whilst also providing a distraction for your fellow traveller.
  4. Bintang shirts are a helpful hint as to who to avoid whilst in Bali. Many bars seriously don’t let you in if you are wearing one. If someone is wearing a Bintang singlet, they, their 13 children and wife named Shazza, are to be avoided.
  5. Bali menus are never generous, but they are true. If the menu promised tomato, expect 4 pea sized chunks on the plate.
  6. Always use a Bluebird Taxi, or if desperate, use a taxi with a meter.
  7. Whenever asked how long you’ve been there, or when you’re leaving, always reply “I’ve been here a week, I leave in a week”
  8. Bali road traffic is crazy, like organised chaos, and somehow it just works.
  9. 100% organic retro brand new genuine fake, is a thing, and is not to be questioned.
  10. Everything is sacred in Bali, except in Kuta, nothing is sacred in Kuta.