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I’m a guest on the Wedded Podcast

by Joshua Withers | Sep 21, 2019 | News

Jenn and Steve Van Elk invited me onto their podcast, Wedded, a conversation about getting married and being married.

We talked about a subject that I’m far too passionate about: getting married your way.

Enjoy!

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  • The “I now pronounce you woman and husband” thing doesn’t mean anything
  • A whole lotta heart in being your celebrant
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@notGareth @decryption It’s a great mic, I have two, get a desk stand though to bring to up to desk height.

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“Today we pay with both money and attention according to the direction of artists” Non-Fungible Taylor Swift, on Stratechery stratechery.com/2021/non-fung…

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If you want to hate the world and Twitter at the same time paste “lang:en” in a Twitter search bar will give you live and direct access to the firehose of tweets that is the entirety of English speaking Twitter’s consciousness. I need to have a shower.

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"Josh is amazing at what he does and one of the fr "Josh is amazing at what he does and one of the friendliest human being I have ever met. We were both super nervous but he knew exactly what to say to make the ceremony and the experience after relaxed, simple and perfect. Just what we wanted xx” Lisa & Jake #marriedbyjosh in the Blue Mountains with the @elopementcollective and @jasoncorrotophoto plus @floral_ink_bluemountains
I create really really good marriage ceremony. Wi I create really really good marriage ceremony. Without questionnaires, or homework. Without scripts or teleprompters. Instead, I use old-fashioned technology like listening, getting to know you, asking you questions when we talk, reading your emails, reading the room, deploying empathy, communication, and knowing that most people won’t remember what I say, but they’ll remember how I made them feel. Plus, I’m a wizard. Jenna & Christian experiencing my wizardry standing in the pouring rain, over a creek turned into a river, on a bride at the @mouseshouseretreat with @tessashannonphoto for the @elopementcollective
@waltloveridge and @kirstennancy watch #mafs just @waltloveridge and @kirstennancy watch #mafs just to make sure that their fights aren’t as silly as the #mafsau couples’ fights. Channel 9’s really doing a community service broadcasting it. Anyone else comparing their relationships to #marriedatfirstsight? #marriedbyjosh in the #bluemountains with the #elopementcollective and #lukefletcher
It’s interesting to consider that everyone is vi It’s interesting to consider that everyone is viewing the world through a unique lens. Each of us are telling our own story, and attending our own personal screening of the world existing. A couple of mine kindly told another celebrant recently that they had chosen me, after that celebrant had followed up with them, and that celebrant had a 45 minute conversation in him about how “if you’re covered in tattoos head to toe then maybe Josh is the celebrant for you” and “because he’s unscripted how do you know he’s not just going to start swearing in your ceremony” amongst other things. What a review! That’s the beautiful thing about our narratives and our lenses, together with the levels of authenticity and accountability we choose to engage with and share here on social media - and in person - it’s hard to be someone you’re not. I choose to tell the story I’m telling you, so that you know who I am, but I’ll extend it today to say that I have no recent memory of having sworn in a ceremony, and many, if not most, of my couples are not covered head to toe in tattoos, which is a little bit sad - I like engaging with people bold enough to commit to ink like that. They’re the kind of people who know what they want, and I have so much respect for that. This is Nick and Vanessa, and I am unaware of how much - if any - ink they’re sporting, but I didn’t swear in their ceremony either. In fact Vanessa messaged me, “Thanks so much for yesterday Josh. Nick and I are the most awkward humans in the world and you made it easy for us!” which is a pretty sweet review. My pages are full of reviews for people like you, and other celebrants, to read so you can invite me to be your celebrant with as much intelligence as you can gather. Photographed is Vanessa & Nick #marriedbyjosh at @thecalilehotel with the @elopementcollective and @tessashannonphoto plus @mrsgibbonsflowers
Gather // @bulb.creative with the @elopementcollec Gather // @bulb.creative with the @elopementcollective on One Tree Hill
Appreciation post: everyone that designed and buil Appreciation post: everyone that designed and built @thecalilehotel. It’s just a feast for my eyes.
“Thank you so much for yesterday. We’re so gla “Thank you so much for yesterday. We’re so glad to have had you as our celebrant, you delivered our ceremony in the most relaxed and comfortable way which is exactly what we wanted, so thank you for braving the weather and the potholes to marry us.” Natalie & Barry #marriedbyjosh with the @elopementcollective + @bulb.creative & @fifthavenueflorist at @nightcapridge // me with a sneaky iPhone photo while they’re exchanging vows.
Sam & Emma’s @greatreception // photographed by Sam & Emma’s @greatreception // photographed by @dancartwrightphotography at @miltonparkcountryhouse
“Josh was so much fun & professional, he made us “Josh was so much fun & professional, he made us feel at ease and kept us smiling the entire time also made our marriage so much more personal not just about the day, but about us and the rest of our lives together” Jake & Sam doing it their way with the @elopementcollective + @tessashannonphoto & @northst on the Great Ocean Road, Victoria
Are you happy? What are your dreams? I'm listenin Are you happy? What are your dreams? I'm listening to a podcast tonight - the Good Life Project - and the guest made a side comment wondering whether her parents were happy, if they were fulfilling their dreams. I had to pause the cast as the thought caught me in my tracks. I'd never considered asking that of my own parents, I guess us kids always assume that the people in charge of the Milo tin can have as much Milo as they like, so how could they not be happy? Then it struck me, I hadn't even asked it of myself. Am I happy? Am I living my dream? Growing up in the 80s and the 90s with a mother who left us, a step-mother who didn't like me, and a father who worked multiple jobs to make ends meet, left this over opinionated loud-mouthed boy just dying to be heard. So I took the logical route and ended up on commercial breakfast radio where I spent my 20s. Alongside my own broken childhood, in my a youth I saw so many of my family divorce, and I joked that I never wanted to marry - because that way I could never get divorced. I knew marriage mattered, and I found divorce so sad. So then after a decade on the air I found my real calling when I saw a celebrant in Hervey Bay dispassionately and impersonally reading words off a page at a family wedding. She didn't care, but I did. So through some kind of perfect storm my belief in good marriages, public speaking, and weddings landed me here, as a celebrant. Where I'm happy. So happy to be creating marriage ceremonies and wedding receptions. It brings me so much joy. I am happy, so happy. I'm also tired right now, with so many weddings from last year moved to this year I'm working twice as hard and earning half as much, but I really am living the dream. Building our little businesses with the love of my life, sowing lov and time into my two little girls, and travelling the globe with my family and friends creating weddings. Life's good. Very happy. Much dream. 📷 by my man @dylandirks on film in Tasmania Are you happy?
"I now pronounce you woman and husband" is not som "I now pronounce you woman and husband" is not something I've ever said. @themanwhohasitall has raised the thought of how some people in the past use these words: I now pronounce you woman and husband" and here's the thing. I marry people every week, sometimes multiple times a week, if it's 2021, about five couples a week after last year's disaster of a year, and I have never said those words. There's this bullshit thing people get in their head about weddings about all these things you "have to do" and they think it's either law, or it's luck, or it's tradition like there's only one tradition and you'll be haunted by your Great Great Grandma if you don't follow the traditions. In Australia to be married there's some things you need to do before you get married - with your celebrant, not the BDM or Registry or any government office - but in that moment you get married literally this has to happen: 1) The marriage celebrant will identify themselves and say words I've detailed on my blog because Instagram has a caption limit. 2) The first person must say words this effect to the second person: I call upon the persons here present to witness that I, full name, take thee, full name, to be my lawful wedded wife/husband/spouse. 3) The second must say to the same to the first person. If you've done that, you're married. No "I do", no "do you", no "for better or for worse", no pronouncing anyone anything, no kiss, no sex, no group photos or chair covers, no wedding dress or rings. None of it matters. It's all lovely, but none of it matters anywhere near as much as your words. Not my words, but your words. The best part about stripping it all back is that you are then left with one beautiful question, "How do people like us celebrate our marriage?" Create your marriage celebration and call it a wedding. Don't just adopt someone else's wedding which is a hand-me-down from ten billion other people over the last thousands of years. You marriage is worth so much more than that. Sorry but there's no wedding police, it's worse, you actually get to have a choice instead of having someone else's forced on you, and sometimes making up your mind can be the hardest.
I shouldn’t be your celebrant ... • If you wa I shouldn’t be your celebrant ... • If you want to prepare a ceremony script, that you check, and I read. • If you want to be in total control of the ceremony. • If you like the idea of hiring a robot to be your celebrant. I’m a creator, not a performer. I create beautiful, enjoyable, meaningful, fun, heart filled ceremonies. Like this one for Ash & Matt at @deuxbelettes with the @elopementcollective & @bulb.creative
All I ask when you ask me to be your celebrant, is All I ask when you ask me to be your celebrant, is that in the middle of your marriage ceremony when offered a low five, don’t leave me hanging. Slap that hand. Kaeli & James #marriedbyjosh with the @elopementcollective and @bulb.creative in the Brisbane Valley
"I didn't realise that saying those words, 'I take "I didn't realise that saying those words, 'I take you as my wife' would mean so much". The funniest thing you can say to a celebrant is how you don't think that the wedding matters that much, or "it's just a party with some formalities," and things of the like. I'll smile when you say it. But I know that in that moment, in your ceremony, when you breath your marriage into life with those words, that everything changes. It's weird, because nothing changes, but everything changes. It's subtle, but it's in that word 'take'. Marriage is often framed as a way for you to give. It's a chance for you to love, to compromise, to give, to serve, to do, to work, to expand your efforts. Sure, those are all great and powerful things. But the essence of marriage is in the receipt. It's where you humble yourself, let the other person in, open the doors, lay bare with arms wide open, and receive them as your spouse, take them as your partner, accept that you are loved, that you are seen, you are safe, and you are known. That is the art of marriage. This is Nicky and Jules, who, nine years after their wedding, finally got married last night at Cloudland, surprising all of their friends who thought they were just celebrating Nicky's year-late 40th birthday party. Photo by me because I spent the first half of the night pretending to be a photographer, until @vollielavont asked me why I was there, but @morganrobertsweddings has the real photos.
“Our ceremony was raw, real and authentic. Josh “Our ceremony was raw, real and authentic. Josh instantly made us feel calm and at ease. The vibe throughout the whole ceremony was amazing. He made us and our guests laugh and the advice Josh gave us along the way will forever stay with us.” — Ashlee & Nathan #marriedbyjosh Photographed by @bulb.creative for the @elopementcollective at @glasshausdesign with @northst bridal bouquet
I was just reminded about my favourite ceremony lo I was just reminded about my favourite ceremony location in the world ☺️ 📷 @tessashannonphoto with the @elopementcollective + @crimsonweddingflowers & @wanakahelicopters on Coromandel Peak.
It was one of the popes who, when asked how long h It was one of the popes who, when asked how long he prayed each day, replied, “About ten minutes, but I spend all day thinking about it”. This is me with your marriage ceremony. Your ceremony is, give or take, about 18 minutes long. But it’s on my mind all day. Arriving before all the guests to be set up and ready when they arrive. Waiting for that momoent when we can begin, because a marriage ceremony never starts on time. Legalities, responsibilities, paperwork. I spend all day thinking about it. This is Bevin and Belinda #marriedbyjosh in Fitzroy Gardens with the @elopementcollective and @tessashannonphoto + @northst
“They’ve shot that venue before” I’ve sat “They’ve shot that venue before” I’ve sat in front of some of the nicest, most lovely, intelligent, smart people and heard them say the most random crap about how or why they’ve chosen a wedding photographer. Here’s a few thoughts on selecting, choosing, inviting a photographer into your wedding. • Hire a photographer whose photos you could imagine yourself being in. Like if you did a little magazine cutout job and stuck your head on the bodies of some of the people in their photos, you think that’d be a nice photo. • Hire a photographer who can show you great photos from the ceremony. They’ve got no lighting or positioning or timing control over the ceremony so it’s a real talent to pull awesome ceremony photos in poor lighting conditions. • Hire a photographer who values couple and family photos like you do, and you can see that because they actually get photos them of themselves and their family by other photographers. • Hire a photographer who charges “too much” ... because that’s how you know that they value you, your family, your wedding, and the art they’re delivering. • Hire a photographer you could imagine yourself having a Sunday session with. • Hire a photographer who’ll hug mum while making photos of you, like Kristina Wild. • Hire a photographer who knows more about humans than they do about cameras. • Hire a photographer who does know about cameras though, that’s probably fairly helpful. • Hire a photographer who might not know the venue, it means they’ll see it in a completely new and creative light. And if you’re unsure if your photographer is that person, book in for a couple shoot with them to test the waters.
Last weekend I married Blair and Bianca, and when Last weekend I married Blair and Bianca, and when I asked them to describe me for a social media post that would hopefully endear me to everyone else on social media, they said "Fantastic, down to earth legend!" Which would have been enough but then Blair kept on going, saying "You can’t ask for service like Josh. With weddings you have some vendors that just do the needful and you have some that go above and beyond for your day to be as amazing as it should, Josh does this, from a sneaky breakfast catch up, to revamping the ceremony to ensure it works, even down to ensuring our guest get back to the carpark and home safely! You can’t choose the weather on your big day, but you sure as hell can pick your celebrant, choose who you feel comfortable with, we chose Josh." It was an honour to walk your family to their cars in the rain all night, as it was to let your sweaty and drunk cousin hug me all night long, it's all part of the service.
Family moments in Fitzroy Gardens. Sally & Matt # Family moments in Fitzroy Gardens. Sally & Matt #marriedbyjosh with the @elopementcollective + @tessashannonphoto & @northst
“Josh was the perfect amount of fun, passionate “Josh was the perfect amount of fun, passionate and professional.” Sam & Jake #marriedbyjosh up above The Great Ocean Road, in Victoria with the @elopementcollective & @tessashannonphoto + @northst #celebrant
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