I made a joke about a common wedding venue staff member: the aggressive male staffer who angrily delivers news to wedding vendors and guests that they’re doing it wrong and he’s pretty much disappointed that we exist.

The thing is, it’s a trope that rings true. Most wedding venues have that guy. He has to come and break into your conversation to let you know you’re standing in the wrong place; or you’re smoking three centimetres too close to a gravesite of a former pet; or often in my case, he feels like he knows federal aviation (drone) law better than I do and he’s really disappointed in me being alive.

And the even more depressing part is that I’ve been that guy. Frustratingly asking Aunt Sue to not record the ceremony on her OPD, or telling Phil’s dad that he doesn’t need to hold his iPhone up to record the ceremony as there’s already a video team here; or the most common one is asking guests to stop talking over your mum giving a speech.

I’m sick of being that guy, but more-so, I’m sick of weddings being something you can do right or wrong. I hate that they’re something you could potentially screw up, like telling Aunt Sue to put her iPad away might be the saving grace this wedding needs.

I think we need to try and remember how to be human together, now that we’ve spent so much time apart.

So I’m going to try and be less “Aunt Sue, put your bloody iPad away”, maybe angry shaved head wedding venue guy can take a deep breath, and maybe Aunt Sue can try to learn to be present in a wedding ceremony.